Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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