R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
