so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
