you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Randomize
