He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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