I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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