I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
