And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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