she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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