my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize