I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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