Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
