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If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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