This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
