Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
