"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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