From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
