I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize