i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
