Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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