I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
