That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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