3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize