I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
