I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
well you can't waste a boner
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
