If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize