im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Jerry, you need to find god
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
