the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize