Just fell off a train. Bad.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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