I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
