i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
