i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just gift wrapped bread.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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