We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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