If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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