Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ugly people sure do ruin things
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
