where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
not ubering you a puppy
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
