Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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