u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
