I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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