Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
