im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
