just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
