I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
