he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
