Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
