I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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