i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
