what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
