shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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