Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
smell my finger.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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