ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
