just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize