North Korea, Best Korea!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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