why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
