I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
