just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
