just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
