McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
