im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
