Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
