i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
