Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
