wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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