Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
