I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my shit smells like andre
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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