This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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