we're chasing vodka with high fives
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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