id be glad to
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
