oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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