I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's always time for handjobs
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
