You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize