omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
