if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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