Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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