YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
