i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
