Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
