Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We're too hungover to prance.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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