I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
