this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
