If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
