You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
