U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The beer is more important than you right now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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