at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize