dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
