are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
