so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They have beer where we have blood.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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