If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
