How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
