Tell her she can't have a vagina
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
