worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
