You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
