I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize