So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
