made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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